Love in the time of Tinder 

Part I

Choosing to do away with the toxicity in my life I recently came back to the dating world (after a 5 long year hiatus) and that’s when the problem began because it was nothing like I had known it to be. It is the age of social media networking and Tinder matches. People meet frequently, engage in casual sexual encounters and go their separate ways. Some even engage in short term commitments to “get what they want”.

Honestly, at first it was quite refreshing for me – I got what I wanted. Hungry to meet new people, I went out on numerous dates with which physical intimacy came naturally. I realized that mostly people wanted to meet for sex and were not expecting a connect of any sort, but fortunately for me most fostered a connection with me which went beyond casual dating and hookups; something which might even be labeled as associations.

All well and good, but what came as an eye opener was when I came across people who were younger to me (most were). There was(or rather is), one in particular who has blossomed into a very good friend over time and through the various conversations that we keep on having from time to time, I realize the emptiness that a lot of people are dealing with these days. In one such very conversation, I dared to ask him as to what led him to “keep in touch with me”. Blatant and candid that he is, he replied quite frankly, “Because I could connect with you. I could talk to you. I never got that with the other people that I hooked up with.” He had also once mentioned to me in a rather sentimental state of mind, how empty he felt after every hookup he had, because he had so much to talk about(not surprising, considering he is a chatter box of a different order), but just couldn’t.

Now, think about it…why couldn’t he? It’s simple really – ‘cause that’s not how the game works. That’s not a part of the deal. You meet, you talk, share a meal or a drink, maybe slip in one or two cozy touches, get a room, have sex, bid formal goodbyes and become polite acquaintances or complete strangers from the next moment. Nobody wants to hear your sob story or know about your feelings, so in order to maintain your dignity – you stick to the rules.

So how does it play on the human mind, especially on one which seeks companionship at some level? You get what you want, but you do not get what you need, hence it creates this huge gap, a feeling of something missing – you cannot exactly tell what it is, but you know that it’s missing.

In an age when connecting with people is so easy, we actually fail to build the connection that we need. We have so many options these days, that we run after quantity and if by any chance we come across even a minimum amount

of quality, we try to grab it and hold on to it for as long as we can – because it’s precious, it’s precious because it’s rare.

So how does love fit into the equation of this game of social media dating? Technically there is no room or provision for it. It is much like arranged meetings – you meet and interact and if you are lucky enough you might develop a connection which can blossom into a relationship; it’s just that instead of the family elders, you are the one arranging the meetings, operating under the false impression that you are operating on your own free will, but you have actually fallen prey to a rather emotionally detrimental trend.